What to do when you feel triggered

When we feel triggered by something or someone, it brings up a strong negative emotion in us.

It’s hard to focus in that moment because the emotions are so intense. In fact, to me it always felt like a powerful force was taking over my body and mind completely. All sense of myself was gone. It’s like I became someone else.

All rationality flies out the window, and sometimes you just want to scream, cry, slam doors or throw something, lash out at someone, or even become vengeful.

Your brain thinks there’s a threat outside of you, so it tells you to protect yourself from whatever “triggered” the response, whatever defense mechanism you opt for in that moment.

I was recently triggered when an ex crawled out of the woodwork and harassed me online.

I thought that part of my past was long behind me, especially when dealing with that kind of behavior, but clearly it came back.

In the past, I would’ve lost my sh*t, and the incident would’ve dragged me down for days. I would’ve obsessively thought about it, been outraged, felt sad and depressed, and then want to run and hide.

And while I did have a brief moment after this incident occurred where I felt the intense emotions start to swell, the difference now is that I recognized that I was triggered.

I was now aware of it, and awareness is a sign of growth.

Then I paid attention to my thoughts.

I did some thought work.

I dug into the issues that this “triggered” feeling raised for me.

It was a bit unpleasant, but I looked at why I was feeling what I was feeling.

Instead of reaching OUT to change my circumstance, I reached IN to learn more about what was going on within me.

I also avoided the negative self-talk or shame - "you should be past this".

Instead, I replaced it with a nurturing one - "there's nothing wrong with me. triggers are a normal part of my healing journey. I know what I need to do to help me get through this."

Then, I remembered that I am not the old me that would’ve tried to crawl into a hole and not come back out until I felt the coast was clear.

I also wasn’t going to allow this to drag me down for days.

So I turned to my self-care toolbox to help me get through it.

• I let it out. I cried and didn’t feel bad about it for one second. Best to get it out of my body than to let it settle deep into my tissues.

• I got into my body and did some breathwork and shook it off for a few minutes. And yes, I literally shook my body. I know it seems silly, but it totally works!

• I played with my dog outside. Getting out in nature helps balance me.

• I worked on something I care about and brings me joy. I wrote lyrics and recorded vocals on a song I’m creating with a friend.

• I opened and shared with my husband how I was feeling

• I went for a walk

We can’t control the actions of others. We only have control over the way we react to them.

Think about something in your life you find “triggering.”

Now I want you to think about what action you’ve taken in the past to avoid it, or how you may have reacted to it.

Have you tried to remove yourself from the situation? Change the person who “triggered” you or try to make them behave differently? Avoid your feelings altogether?

Notice how you may be trying to control the circumstance in order to change your feelings.

Notice how this is an amazing learning opportunity, to explore the unconscious thoughts you have about your circumstances.

To explore the unconscious thoughts you are having about yourself.

About your worthiness, about your resiliency.

About the power you have.

Ask yourself “What’s going on for me? Why am I so reactive?”

Do you feel afraid? Like you’re not being taken seriously? Or not being respected? Pay attention to what you’re actually feeling when you feel triggered.

Are the thoughts you’re having actually true? Is there anything you can do to parent and soothe yourself?

Empower yourself by preparing to cope with triggers. Become aware of signs in your body that you're reacting to a trigger, such as changes in your breathing or heart rate so that you can learn how to nurture yourself and shift your emotional state.